As I write this, Leigh, my wife, is asleep on the couch to my left. We are rekindling a marriage and at points it is as easy as riding a bike, or looking out your window. At others, it is as hard as doing complex math calculations. I was never good at that subject and found it to be grueling. Yet, I also found it to be rewarding when the problem was solved. Marriages are hard things to make it through and I am trying my best to make this one work with a person I love wholeheartedly. Yet it is difficult.
She picks up on things I didn't even know are going on and I know she is feeling insecure at points before she does. It is this odd tandem. I pull away, she pulls me in and we are not ready to meet at certain points. But, I'm hoping with time and healing, those points will become rearview mirrors as we move forward. They have to. They must. Yet, we have to figure out the strength of our lines. That is our job. To make everything less taut.
I've been riding the bike a lot less frequently than I would hope for by this point of time of the year. It is a drag as I know how much mental bullshit I clear from my mind on long rides. The weather is not cooperating, nor is whiskey and a vampiric schedule as of late. Been working mostly evenings and can somehow still pull off late nights and be a productive human.....at least for the most part. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the weather to allow for some good, long rides (aka head clearers).
Off to city island tomorrow and hopefully something substantial on Monday as well. Should tack down 50 miles or so tomorrow, then we shall see what the rainy week brings. I hope my guard lowers a bit in all ways as the rides are able to continue.
It has been a long time since I've written and apologize for all the Jon psychobabble. There is a lot going on and keeping my fingers crossed for a few major things. Please keep them crossed for me too.